A Note to the Squirrels Stealing from our Garden

Dear Squirrels,

While I recognize that you and your family must have food to survive, I was still pretty upset last year when we worked so hard in our garden, only to watch you repeatedly steal all of our tomatoes and peas. We planted the seeds, watered, fertilized, weeded, and nurtured the plants until they were fully grown, eagerly awaiting the day when they would bring forth fruit. We were so excited when the tiny little tomatoes gradually changed from green to orange to red. Just when we were ready to pick them, we would suddenly find them missing.

I have to admit, you were very sly, and for a couple of weeks, I was absolutely convinced that the garbage men were the ones that were sneaking tomatoes, especially when you frequently stole them shortly after they left on garbage day. Regardless, I would often peek out the window in hopes of catching a glimpse of who was taking them. Imagine my surprise the day I looked out and saw you reach up, and pluck the biggest, plumpest, red tomato from a branch the very same day that we were going to use it in a salad we were making for a party. In fact, through the entire Summer last year, we ended up with only three or four small under-ripe tomatoes out of literally 30 or 40 that had grown from the plants.

While it's unfortunate that you would resort to theivery, I have to sincerely apologize for having shot you with the BB gun last year. I figured it would scare you enough to keep you away from my tomatoes, but you just jumped, then went back to forraging around on the lawn.

Anyway, after re-planting all our veggies this year, we've tried a couple of non-violent remedies to discourage you from stealing our toatoes - small rodent repellant, egg shells in the garden, etc - and still you've managed to nibble away at my pea plants. After our constant clash last year and continued pilfering this year, I've decided to physically make our tomatoes off limits. I've set up a perimeter with a chicken wire fence/cage around 8 of the 10 tomato plants. This cage has a lid that opens and closes, allowing us to pick the tomatoes at will, but I plan on keeping it shut tight, and locked at all other times. I've also reinforced the bottom with small stakes to keep it down in the dirt and even angling out, so as to prevent you from digging underneath. For the benefit of you and your family, I did leave two small tomato plants out of the cage, so that in times of severe famine, you can periodically take a tomato, but I would hope you would only do so in severe circumstances, as I have worked hard to make the garden successful.

Sincerely,

the guy who runs the garden

P.S. Don't even think about touching the cucumbers!