Deck The Halls

I hesitate writing this post. I feel guilty writing about something as trivial as Christmas decorations at a time when my family is suffering such a heartbreaking loss. I wish I could be with Bryan to support him right now. Instead I'm at home nearly 2000 miles away, surrounded by holiday things meant to evoke a sense of merriment and celebration. It seems all wrong.
So forgive me if this post is too self-indulgent (I know I tend to be that way sometimes), but I wanted to record the thoughts I had tonight. I have a feeling this is going to be a long post so feel free to skip over some of my ramblings and just look at the pictures.

After the kids were in bed, I walked around the house, looking at all the decorations. I started out feeling pretty lonely, but after a while, I noticed that I wasn't really thinking about the decorations themselves, but the people in my life that I am reminded of when I look at them. I noticed that I was feeling very loved.
Of course there are the greeting cards, picturing dear friends and family so far away, but there are so many other things around me, replaying memories of the people I love:
On the mantel sits a painted porcelain nativity set given to me by my grandparents...
... right next to the JOY blocks painted by my mom.
My parents gave me my holly Christmas dishes several years ago. I love them!
The tree is extra special to me. It reminds me of Bryan. When Andrew was just a baby (2002), we spent Christmas in Disneyland with my family. I found these beautiful Mickey and Minnie Mouse Christmas ornaments in one of the shops and absolutely fell in love with them.Bryan's not as much of a Disney fan as I am, but he knew how much I would love them, so he bought as many as he could. We didn't have much money, so I never expected to have one, much less a whole tree full!Bryan is always doing such thoughtful things for me. I know he loves me. I sure am missing him right now.
Last year, I spent most of December in Utah for my sister's wedding, so I didn't decorate for Christmas at all. I flew home with the kids on Christmas Eve, feeling a bit sad that we wouldn't even have a Christmas tree for Christmas. I never expected that Bryan would surprise me by decorating the house for me while I was gone. I will never forget that act of love that meant so much to me.
Seeing the star on the top of the tree always makes me smile and think of Andrew. A couple years ago, he chastised me for topping the tree with a bow instead of a star. He said, "That's not how you're supposed to do it, Mom! You're supposed to put a STAR on the top to remind you of the star when Jesus was born!" Lesson learned.
Down in the family room, hang the kids' stockings, also from Disneyland. We bought Andrew's Mickey stocking on that first trip to Disneyland with him. The Goofy and Minnie stockings were from the next trip when Logan was a baby (2005). The Minnie stocking was Bryan's idea. Even though it was almost three years before Hannah was born, said he knew our next baby would be a girl, so we'd better be prepared. He has been right three out of three times! How does he do that?
I love this little Santa, handmade by my talented Aunt Debbie. I hope she is having a wonderful First Christmas with her new husband, Glen.
My parents also gave me my gorgeous Willow Tree nativity a few pieces at a time over several Christmases. They were fun gifts to look forward to, wondering which pieces I would get next. I have been truly blessed in my life to have such good, loving parents. I hope they know how much I love them.
Russ and Angela gave us this nativity statue, which is kind of bitter-sweet to think about. This year it's an even stronger reminder of the reason we celebrate Christmas. I'm feeling a lot of gratitude for Him whose birth we are celebrating. I'm so grateful for the hope He gives us and the reassurance that, because of Him, this life is not the end.